Things You Wish You Knew Before You Hit 50: A Man’s Guide
Turning 50? Congratulations, you’ve officially hit the “I have a favourite chair” stage of life. You’ve survived questionable haircuts, dodgy fashion trends, and enough dad jokes to last a lifetime. But as the big 5-0 approaches, there are a few things you’ll wish you’d known sooner. Here’s a light-hearted yet essential guide to navigating midlife with style, humour and minimal groaning when you stand up.
1. The War Against Hair is Real
By 50, hair starts disappearing from places you want it and reappearing in places you don’t. Say goodbye to the luscious locks of youth and hello to ear and nose trimmers. Get comfortable with regular maintenance - or prepare to look like a wizard who got lost on the way to Middle Earth.
2. Your Joints Will Sound Like a Rock Band
Remember when you could play football all day and still hit the pub? Now, bending down feels like an Olympic event. Knees, back and hips start singing in harmony every time you move. Stretching isn’t just for yoga mums - it’s your new daily ritual. Embrace it!
3. You’ll Forget Why You Walked Into That Room
Memory? What memory? At 50, walking into a room only to forget why is standard practice. Make peace with lists, reminders, and the occasional frantic Google search (“Where did I put my car keys?”). Or just pretend you walked in there to stretch your legs.
4. No One’s Got it All Figured Out
In your twenties, you assumed men over 50 had their lives sorted. Now you realise they were winging it too. The secret? Fake confidence and well-timed “hmm” noises. And if anyone asks for advice, just say, “Trust your gut.” Works every time.
5. You No Longer Care What People Think
Turning 50 comes with the superpower of not giving a toss. That Hawaiian shirt you love? Wear it. Dance like your limbs are made of spaghetti. Say no to things you hate and yes to things that make you happy. Life’s too short for boring trousers and awkward conversations.
6. Friendships Become Low Maintenance
By 50, the best friendships are the ones that require zero effort. You can go months without speaking, then pick up right where you left off. And if your mate remembers your birthday? That’s friendship gold.
7. Your Diet Will Fight Back
Remember how you used to devour pizza at midnight and feel fine? Those days are gone. Now a single curry could require a full recovery day. Pay attention to what you eat. And yes, fibre is now your friend.
8. Health Checks are Non-Negotiable
Annual health screenings are essential, even if you’d rather avoid them. Get the blood pressure checked, do the prostate exam and keep an eye on cholesterol. The sooner you embrace it, the better. Plus, you’ll earn serious brownie points for being responsible.
9. It’s Time to Get Financially Savvy
Impulse buys are a young man’s game. At 50, it’s time to focus on saving and investing. If you haven’t already started a pension, now’s the time to get serious. And no, you don’t need another gadget “just because it was on sale.”
10. Ageing is a Privilege, Not a Punishment
Sure, your hair’s turning grey and you might groan when you stand, but hitting 50 is a badge of honour. You’ve lived, loved, and probably told some terrible jokes along the way. Embrace every wrinkle and every laugh line - they’re proof of a life well lived.
So, here’s to turning 50: a journey filled with wisdom, humour, and maybe a few more naps than you’d like to admit. Cheers, mate!
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