Jamaica: The Island Where Doing Nothing Is A National Sport

Jamaica, the Caribbean’s sun-soaked gem, is the kind of place where urgency is treated with the same disdain as flat soda or the phrase, "Let’s go for a light jog!" The national motto is "Out of Many, One People", but I’m almost certain it was originally "Relax, Mon, It’s All Good" until someone decided that probably wouldn’t look great on government stationery.

From the moment you step off the plane, you’re hit with the sweet aroma of jerk chicken, the irresistible thump of reggae, and the sudden realization that your pre-holiday fitness regime was about as effective as a chocolate teapot.

Now, let’s talk about driving in Jamaica. If you’ve ever wanted to experience the thrill of real-life Mario Kart but with fewer banana peels and more goats, this is your place. Road signs are mostly decorative, potholes are geological marvels, and honking is less about aggression and more about saying, “Hello! Also, I’m about to overtake you in a way that will make you see your entire life flash before your eyes.”

Jamaica operates on two speeds: Slow and Stationary. Buses leave when they feel like it, restaurants serve food when they remember you exist, and shopkeepers open their stores based on a complex algorithm involving the position of the sun, the mood of the sea breeze, and whether or not they feel like making change that day.

But the beaches, oh the beaches! They’re the kind of dazzling, postcard-perfect paradises that make you briefly consider quitting your job, growing dreadlocks, and starting a beachfront business called Bob Marley’s Smoothie Shack despite not knowing the first thing about making smoothies. The water is an absurd shade of turquoise, the sand feels like powdered sugar, and the palm trees sway in a way that suggests they’ve all had just the right amount of rum punch.